The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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