I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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