He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
