i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
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I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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