the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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