dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
