so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize