I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
