margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
