Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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