i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
