Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
