They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
