I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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