i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
