She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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