Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
