i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize