I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
