Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's like iHOP with fire
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
this hospital has no fireball
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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