Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
