Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
