i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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