lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
