What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
