my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
