you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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