I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
