Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
