i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
