is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
