His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
