Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
