I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
