I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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