i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
