just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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