I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
