I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
