remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
