hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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