He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
tell me about the fingering
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