Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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