Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
