she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
