Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
