Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
