seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
