I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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