i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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