She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
