So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
