my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
