Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
