if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
