if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
