Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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