You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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