a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
