Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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