I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
