Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
