Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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