I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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