I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
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I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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