I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
